Katie’s Story: The Kindest Heart Failed Itself

It was a normal Saturday.

I remember that it was hotter than usual, even for July.

I woke with a migraine that morning so bad that I could barely stand on my own two feet. It was because of that migraine that I decided it would be best to skip church instead of going like I usually did.

How I wish I would have gone now, thinking back.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I laid down to rest. And before I knew it, it was the afternoon, around three o’clock or so.

That’s when my phone rang, and I saw that it was my mom.

“Hey.”

“You need to come to the hospital. Your dad’s here.”

“What? What’s going on?”

“Just get here as soon as you can.”

How odd, I thought. I was worried, but I assumed it was something minor, like a pulled muscle or something. He had gone to the hospital a few times before for stuff like that.

I got dressed as quickly as my migraine would allow. Then my best friend, Destiny, and I got into the car, and she drove us to the hospital.

On the way there, she tried to reassure me as best as she could. I started to believe her.

Everything would be fine. Everything would be fine.

We arrived at the hospital and entered the emergency room’s lobby.

I approached the front desk and asked one of the women for my dad’s room number. They looked at each other, and I immediately noticed that something strange passed between them. The woman I spoke to stood up slowly and asked us to follow her.

Weird, I thought. Why didn’t she just give me a room number?

Destiny and I followed her, and I expected to go through the automatic doors straight ahead of us. But instead, we took a right into a small little room with a few couches and chairs.

I saw two more women sitting there, one with her back straight and her face looking up towards the ceiling, the other with her head in her hands. It took a long moment for me to register that it was my aunt, Tammy, and my mom.

I knelt down in front of my mom. She slowly looked up at me, and when she met my eyes, I didn’t recognize her.

She struggled to get the next words out.

“Your dad had a massive heart attack. And he didn’t make it. I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

The world stopped spinning at that moment. An intense and horrible ringing began rising in my ears until it was deafening.

I just stared at her, dumbfounded.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

I turned around out of total instinct to look for comfort in my dad. And for the first time in my entire life, he wasn’t there.

Instead, it was Destiny, who had turned white as a sheet.

There was nothing that she or anyone else could have said or done. Absolutely nothing.

I’m not here. I’m not here.

The next few hours were a blur.

The rest of our family either came to the hospital and were told in person or were notified by phone. Church members and friends came to check on us. Tammy and I signed all of the paperwork. Hospital employees did their jobs, trying to get any details necessary. I had to bite my tongue to not scream at them to go away.

We sat, and sat, and sat in that stupid little room. Until we all realized that we couldn’t just sit anymore.

There were things to do now. So many things.

We all walked out together, going our separate ways. Once everyone else had gone, Destiny told me that she was going to grab a few things and would be right over at my house, and then she too left.

Mom and I just stood there under the emergency room’s awning in silence.

Since we had entered the hospital, the sky had turned a wicked shade of black. A storm was brewing, lightning crashing in the distance over the tree line.

“Well that’s appropriate,” I heard my mom say quietly.

I led us to her car, telling her that I’d drive.

I hesitated before putting the key in the ignition, though. I didn’t want to leave. He was still somewhere inside.

But I forced myself to, and we drove away.

Don’t look in the rearview mirrors, I thought. I didn’t want to know what I would find.

We didn’t speak the entire way home.

We pulled into the driveway and I parked the car for a moment. I wasn’t ready to go up to the house just yet.

The thunder rumbled hard, then, and as if on cue, it began to rain.

That’s when it hit me. The realization that he was never coming home.

The realization that my dad was gone.

A dark and empty numbness enveloped my body.

But he was just here, I thought shakily.

He was just here.