My dad was a rare gem.
Despite all of the darkness in this world, he had one of the purest and grandest hearts that have ever been blessed to beat. No matter how bad of a day it’d been, he always knew exactly how to make someone laugh. Regardless of his exhaustion, he worked harder than anyone else that I’ve ever known. Indifferent to whatever state his body, mind, and soul were in, he faithfully went to church weekly as a worthy man of God. Without faltering, he jumped at the opportunity to help all of those around him with any task, big or small. But most importantly, he knew how to love his family and friends in such a deep way that I can only dream I’m capable of doing so that he can one day be proud.
As my beautiful and beloved mom has said, “There was no better person than John Ward.”
But it only takes one moment to completely change someone’s world forever.
Experiencing the Unexpected: Death & Grief
July 8th, 2017, was, is, and will probably always be the worst day of my entire life.
It was the day that I lost him.
At 21 years old, I was completely blindsided and heartbroken when my dad died unexpectedly due to sudden cardiac arrest. As a healthy 56-year-old man in all aspects of his life, and with no direct genetic connections to factor into the equation, it didn’t make any sense. My dad did everything, and I mean everything, right.
So, as I went throughout the rest of that day, and the following weeks thereafter, all I could think was why?
Why would a person of this caliber…a person who’s beautiful in all forms of the word…a person who’s been my greatest hero for my entire life…die?
But I learned the hard way that some questions go unanswered.
Finding Hope in Loss
At first, I didn’t understand how anyone ever got through something like this. I didn’t understand what was happening and why it was happening. I didn’t understand what to do, or say, or think, or feel. I didn’t understand how I could be both fifty percent happy and fifty percent sad all of the time, which struck a fear in me that I would probably be like that for the rest of my life. I didn’t understand how I could ever possibly move forward without having the single most important man in my life by my side.
To be honest, I still don’t understand a lot of things about death and grief.
But I do know now that grief’s not something that can be overcome. It’s something that inevitably becomes a part of who you are, woven into your identity forever.
Fortunately, though, this doesn’t extinguish the incredible hope for what lies ahead for you and your future, both in the good and in the bad.
Where there’s deep sorrow, there was and still is deep love, as well as the promise of a better tomorrow.
A Newfound Purpose
So, after the first few months of initial shock, I remember asking myself, “Now what? What can I do with all of this grief?”
It didn’t take me very long to realize the answer: turn it into something beautiful.
Because I knew that I didn’t want grief to take over my life. And I knew that I definitely wanted my dad’s death to mean something. I wanted to keep him alive in whatever ways that I could.
And I want you to do that for your loved one, too.
So, through Grief Personalized, my ultimate goal is to not only recover from my own pain but to also inspire, share, and connect with others around the world who are struggling with grief and loss, too. Just as I’ve come to learn (and am still learning daily), I want to help everyone that I can to also learn one very important message:
you are loved, you are important, and you are not alone.
