When death occurs, most of us think about those who are obviously going to be affected.
But they aren’t the only ones.
Now, this doesn’t mean not giving comfort where comfort is due, you should!
But it’s equally important to recognize those who you may not initially think of that are also dealing with grief.
Who might these people be?
Today we’re going to talk about them, what they’re experiencing, and how you might be able to comfort them, too.
Others Who Are Affected by Loss
We all develop many relationships that extend much further beyond our immediate families alone, right?
So when a death outside of the family occurs, we suffer right along with them in remembrance of the person who we’ve equally lost.
Church (Or Otherwise Religious) Members
For those who are religious, church members are grieving the loss of a fellow believer.
For most churches, the congregation’s like a second family, which is closely knit in a bond of mutual love and unity in their faith.
So when the congregation loses a member, that pain can settle into all of the various pieces of the church.
For the church family, it’s personal; they’ve all lost a brother or a sister in faith who they deeply cared for.
For the church itself, it’s social, financial, or political; the member who died may have helped with the finances through generous giving, consistently volunteered at special events, or held an important office within the church.
And unfortunately, these types of issues can create a toll that could last weeks, months, or even years, damaging and re-shaping the church forever.
So, if you know someone who’s lost a fellow church member, , such as going to church with them one day or working at one of their church’s public events.
Co-workers
Co-workers are grieving the loss of a fellow employee who they spent most of their waking hours with, forging unique bonds of trust and companionship that were unlike their other relationships.
In other words, similar to the church member, co-workers are also like an extended or second family.
So when a fellow employee passes away, it can be difficult to deal with—especially if the two co-workers were close or if the death was sudden.
The remaining co-worker may feel anxiety and guilt if the death occurred in the workplace or if the last interaction with the co-worker who died was unpleasant. And even if the co-worker’s death came after a prolonged illness, the remaining co-worker may still experience when they hear the news.
So if you know someone who’s lost a fellow employee, try to give them some positive suggestions and encouragement, such as taking time off work or assuring them that it wasn’t their fault.
Friends
Friends are grieving the loss of someone that they chose to share an intimate and personal connection with.
Through time and effort, they develop a bond that’s irreplaceable, and therefore, impossibly painful to deal with when severed.
And yet, because they’re not “related” to their friend, they often tell themselves that their grief is not as deep or their loss isn’t as great as the friend’s family, even though that’s not true.
So if you know someone who has lost a friend, please let them know that their grief is valid and real by supporting them in whatever way that you can.
Pets
Even pets are grieving the loss of their beloved human.
In the death of their owner, a pet may become restless, anxious, or depressed.
Sometimes, a pet will even desperately search for their lost companion and crave more attention from others as a way to fill the void of misunderstanding as to why their human never returned.
So if you’re now responsible for a lost loved one’s pet, be sure to carefully monitor changes in their behavior and take care of both their essential and non-essential needs.
A Personal Perspective
When my own dad passed away, my best friend, Destiny, was absolutely crippled by her grief, to the point that I could honestly put her pain on the same level as mine.
Now, you might be saying, “Hold on, why’s she so affected? Why would her grief be equal to yours, his actual daughter? How’s that possible?”
Well, as our friendship began to blossom when we were small, she suddenly started spending a lot more time with my family. And over the many years thereafter, she ended up joining us on our family vacations, received gifts for her birthday, Christmas, or simply “just because”, and was treated with equal importance and love.
Slowly but surely, she became a part of our family on a much, much deeper level.
And now, after almost two decades, she has without a doubt become the third daughter of the Ward family.
But why does all of this matter?
Well, to make a very long story short, good men have unfortunately come few and far between in her life.
So even though my dad isn’t her dad by blood, her world was forever changed when she met him.
And it was for the better.
Because finally, she had a man in her life whose kindness was genuine. She had a man in her life who thought about her, wanted to keep her safe, and treated her like she was his own. She had a man in her life that she could admire. She had a man in her life that made her feel like she had purpose and that she was worthy of being loved.
Then, just like that, he was gone.
And it crushed her.
It can be difficult for someone in a position such as my best friend to deal with their grief, because they may feel like they’re not allowed to express their grief openly, or that their grief pales in comparison.
They may feel like they’re overlooked, that there’s no source of help for them, or that their grief is invalid.
Or they may even feel alone in their grief because they’re unsure of where they stand or how to fit in the grand scheme of it all.
So how can you comfort them?
By paying attention and taking action.
Because pain can extend to anyone.
Let’s make sure that love can, too.
Have you experienced a death outside of your family? Share your story in the comments below!
Resources
Brancato, Ginny. “Do Pets Grieve?” Rainbow Bridge: Pet Loss Grief Support Community, 2018, .
“Grieving the Death of a Friend.” HealGrief,
Kenyon, Philip. “Why We Fail the Grieving.” CT Pastors, Leadership Journal, 13 Nov. 2018, .
King, Helene. “Coping with the Death of a Co-Worker.” Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, Sept. 2011, .