A Letter to Those Dreading the Holidays

Dear grieving friend,

I know that the holiday season is one of the worst times of the year for you.

It is for me, too.

And whether your grief is new or not, I know that the high expectations and elevated merriment of Christmastime can be overwhelming. Your ever-changing emotions are probably eating away at you and you don’t know how to cope with them.

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and I hope that the things I have to say next will help you in some way.

First, you should know that it’s okay to recognize the fact that the holidays will never be the same.

I mean, without your loved one, how could they be?

But, in recognizing this unfortunate change, be sure to also take the time to still try to enjoy the holiday season by figuring out what it is you can and can’t handle.

For example, traditions are a massive part of Christmastime. If you want to keep certain traditions, like decorating your house, do so. If you need to let certain traditions go, like going somewhere you’ve gone a dozen times to see Christmas lights, do so. Or, if you want to create a new tradition in honor of your loved one, such as lighting a special candle each night, do so.

Do the things that give you a sense of joy and purpose, but get rid of the things that don’t.

Spending special time with our family and friends is another one of the greatest privileges of the holiday season. It’s so wonderful to share a meal together, exchange presents, and create new memories that’ll last long after Christmastime.

But don’t plan to attend every social gathering or party if you aren’t up for it. Only attend the ones that really hold significance for you, and only attend them if you feel okay enough to do so. Remember that you’re not required to put aside your grief for the pleasure of others and that you should never feel guilty if you’re not willing to attend a social event. Let your family and friends know exactly what you do and don’t want to do for the holiday season.

Do whatever works best for you.

And perhaps the most often thing we forget to do? Practicing self-care and seeking the help of others!

Christmastime can especially put us grievers in a funk. With all of the chaos that comes with the holiday season, it can be extremely difficult to remember that help of any kind is important. But it absolutely is!

So spend quiet time each day doing whatever helps you to recharge, such as journaling, taking a bubble bath, listening to music, splurging on a personal gift, or meditating. Or, if you need someone to help out with a task, such as cooking, shopping, cleaning, or decorating, just ask them!

Having help can provide a huge relief.

Secondly, you should know that the loss of your loved one doesn’t have to be just a negative experience.

Instead, try coming up with some ideas that could be done in memoriam for your loved one, as a way to keep them alive and to also remind yourself that there’s still hope to be found.

For example, you could put your creativity to good use by making a memory box filled with special items or written memories that you, your family, and your friends can share together when you gather. You could also make a decoration, such as an ornament or a wreath, in honor of your loved one.

Sometimes reliving the good times or simply keeping your hands busy is enough.

If you aren’t the creative type, you could also recapture your loved one’s spirit by playing their favorite holiday music, making their favorite meal, setting a place for them at the table, having a moment of silence during prayer, or buying a gift that you would’ve gotten them and donating it to charity.

Your loved one is still with you, not only through their legacy but also through you and your actions.

Or, since you’ll most likely visit your loved one at some point, you could even bring something with you for them to the graveyard, such as a grave blanket, a wreath, fresh poinsettias, or any other holiday item that would be meaningful.

It would probably mean the world to them, but more importantly, it’ll make you feel better, too.

Most of all, though, above anything else…you should know that it’s okay to be happy.

It doesn’t mean that you miss your loved one any less or that their absence is insignificant, so don’t feel guilty about it.

Odds are, your loved one would want nothing more than for you to be filled with joy and peace.

And you deserve to be.

Please believe that.

Much love and holidays wishes,

Katie